aiwillneversmile | inbox, texts, etc.

I guess... I don't think it really matters since it's different worlds, but who knows...

Maybe they'll benefit from having hot mess in their vocabularies.

I doubt it could really hurt.

[alright let's do this...]

Are you okay?

Edited 2023-08-08 00:06 (UTC)

I'm—

[She almost lies. Almost. But she can't, because she doesn't want to, and also because it's Aqua.]

I could be a lot better. Are you okay?

No, but I can manage it.

What hurts or troubles you the most?

I don't even know where to start with that.

. . . Do you regret it? Our intentions were confused, so it isn't wrong to have hoped for a different outcome.

... I don't know if I regret it or not yet, but... I know that yesterday isn't what I thought whenever I thought about not letting go of Sarina.

[nods]

I crossed quite a few lines. My jail sentence would stack up infinitely if they were aware of the true nature of circumstances. That was my mistake; not making everything clear between us. Everything has been so fast lately, from your loathing me to our sudden reconciliation to being in this depraved place suddenly, and I haven't taken time to think about that. For myself or from your perspective.

I should have talked to you and I did anything but that.

I know. We haven't really had a chance to breathe, have we? It's not like I know what to think, either. I haven't been able to think about it, and when I got here, I wasn't expecting you to show up.

[She sighs, though]

We definitely should have talked. I don't think you should try to distract me like that.

[reflexes like he's hurt but steeling it back in]

. . . I'll be stronger. And I won't do that again. [sighs] Everything has been convoluted for awhile now, but if I know what you need or want, then I can act more appropriately. Especially knowing who I am, you're indulging me too much lately. —I'm not going anywhere. I'm not Marina, and it's insulting if you put us near each other.

... It's not just you. I could've said no, too. There's more than one person involved in that kind of thing. I'd never compare you to her, though.

[And she seems a little hurt that he'd even think she'd compare him to Marina, glancing away so he can't see the actual emotion even if it might be present in her words.]

You—Gorou—was the only one that ever cared. You still care about me more than anyone else too, as Aqua, aside from Miyako. I could never compare you to my previous mother.

Edited 2023-08-08 02:45 (UTC)

[exhaling while watching her]

I'm sorry, I struck a nerve. So, that's how it deeps it runs— Your fear of being abandoned. Not that I can blame you. I considered killing her if it wouldn't have been worth the trouble.

. . . You may not be able to see it, but I know she was not worth what she got.

It's why I kept reacting the way I did. I don't know if I could live without you.

[She's gripping the bench tightly]

It still hurts. She got to have a happy, healthy family and forget all about me. I always thought loving mama made me a horrible person because of what happened with mother. We have Miyako, but you're the only one that gets everything that's happened to us. It's selfish, but that's why I can't lose you.

You won't lose me. I know— I know, sometimes, I don't look after myself, but I can't do that when you're on the line.

And I'm scared about what's going to come, what has to happen, that I get caught in these spirals. But we've made it this far, we're this close, right? We can do this.

[She lets go of the bench, only to reach over to Aqua and pull him over. She can shower again later.]

You don't have to do it alone. You keep trying to do that. It'd probably help if you'd share the burden with me a little more. We can do it, but it has to be together. Please. Don't just say 'we' and then not keep me in the loop.

[shakes his head once immediately, then multiple times against her before pulling away]

We're not staying focused. This was the problem. —What are we?

I—I want to be Ruby. And live in a way that'd make Sarina happy. And give her experiences she didn't get to have. Give love to people that deserve it, since she didn't get to do that, either.

But what would that mean for you?

[he meant relationship wise but that does hit with a sledgehammer]

I want to avenge Ai. —I can't keep going without making him suffer.

[depending on what he says it could be relationship wise ok]

But what does that make you? Her son, my brother? Sensei?

The half alive corpse clinging to any sense of justice . . .

[and immediately zoning in, grabbing a dumbbell and throwing it at one of the mirrored walls, not watching the splintering]

Focus! This isn't Ruby and Aqua, Sarina and Gorou. I took advantage of you in so many ways while reading everything wrong. It has to stop.

[There's a jerk away from Aqua when that happens, a startled cry and a confused but horrified look]

How, though!? It's not like we can erase history or—we didn't spend eighteen years together before we even knew who we were!

[breathing heavily before holding his head]

Stop, stop, stop— Pedo, groomer, incest . . . I didn't mean to . . .

[she draws in a deep breath, before breathing back out harshly.

but, firmly:]

We're both guilty of incest. Neither of us meant to. But—weren't you just someone trying to give a dying kid something to cling to? Maybe I was the one that took that too far—I just...

[was desperate for someone to love her, clung to the first person that would, obsessed over it]

[squeezing his eyes shut, shaking his head in small sharp jerks]

No, no. You're a kid. It may sound insulting, but you're still just a kid. This is my fault.

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