aiwillneversmile | inbox, texts, etc.

I—I want to be Ruby. And live in a way that'd make Sarina happy. And give her experiences she didn't get to have. Give love to people that deserve it, since she didn't get to do that, either.

But what would that mean for you?

[he meant relationship wise but that does hit with a sledgehammer]

I want to avenge Ai. —I can't keep going without making him suffer.

[depending on what he says it could be relationship wise ok]

But what does that make you? Her son, my brother? Sensei?

The half alive corpse clinging to any sense of justice . . .

[and immediately zoning in, grabbing a dumbbell and throwing it at one of the mirrored walls, not watching the splintering]

Focus! This isn't Ruby and Aqua, Sarina and Gorou. I took advantage of you in so many ways while reading everything wrong. It has to stop.

[There's a jerk away from Aqua when that happens, a startled cry and a confused but horrified look]

How, though!? It's not like we can erase history or—we didn't spend eighteen years together before we even knew who we were!

[breathing heavily before holding his head]

Stop, stop, stop— Pedo, groomer, incest . . . I didn't mean to . . .

[she draws in a deep breath, before breathing back out harshly.

but, firmly:]

We're both guilty of incest. Neither of us meant to. But—weren't you just someone trying to give a dying kid something to cling to? Maybe I was the one that took that too far—I just...

[was desperate for someone to love her, clung to the first person that would, obsessed over it]

[squeezing his eyes shut, shaking his head in small sharp jerks]

No, no. You're a kid. It may sound insulting, but you're still just a kid. This is my fault.

[She bites back the reminder that she's 18 now, because she knows what he means and it's not that.]

... Would you redo everything if you had the chance? Would Gorou have never visited Sarina? Would he have just let her die thinking no one cared about her? When Gorou promised to marry her, it's not like he knew we'd end up as Aqua and Ruby. Gorou couldn't have known any of that.

[...]

When he made that promise to Sarina, did he know that she was going to die no matter what?

[well, if his heart wasn't in a vice grip, it is now. meds wasn't a good choice, bc he would rather black out than be here and processing this]

[and nope, peace out, cub scout. going to flee towards the bathrooms before he throws up in the middle of the gym]

—Aqua!?

[She's going to be following, she can't be shaken off that easily.]

[does not collapse on the sink but just dry heaving since he hasn't eaten since yesterday... taking a moment to get his balance back before turning one of the showers on and just sliding down the wall til he's seated]

[You know what, whatever, she doesn't care that the shower is on, she's going to sink down next to him on her knees and take one of his hands into both of hers if he'll let her.]

Aqua...

[allows it, also it's as cold as it can go]

You can't do that.

I've held onto you for so long . . . Don't twist it. Not to soothe yourself or comfort me.

[who cares if the water is cold when aqua is struggling]

I'm not, though. I called the hospital a bunch before I found Gorou's body to try to see if you had reappeared. Part of why I wanted to be a famous idol was to see if Gorou would find me again.

... You're not the only one that was holding onto things.

[oh, this is why you don't mess with kids. wow, amazing]

. . . I know you want me to be okay. What else do you want?

[there's a long, long moment of thoughtfulness.]

... I want you to find someone you feel like you can talk to. About anything. Someone you can let yourself trust.

[leaning back into the stream for a stretch]

. . . I'll try.

I don't mind being that person for you, but... I do think you need someone other than me, too.

Just you wouldn't make sense.

. . . I'm not touching you like that again.

. . .

I don't think you should, either. We shouldn't do anything like that again. If we catch each other like... that, then we call someone else to help.

You mean, if we get effected by something?

That's exactly what I mean. To... help keep us from ending back up in this mess.

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